Sleep
by AprilRyanMyFriend
Summary: Set after the Cerberus attack on the Citadel. Shepard is fighting her personal demons when Ashley suddenly comes to her cabin door and wants to apologize for how she has been acting, but how will the stressed Commander react? FemShepard/Ashley


Back and forth.

Back and forth.

Desk to aquarium.

Aquarium to desk.

She had paced this route so often since the attack on Earth that a worn path had formed in the carpet. She stopped and leaned forward onto the desk as thoughts swirled through her head maddeningly.

_Earth, have to save Earth, but how?_

_ Anderson is counting on me, can't let him down._

_ That damn dream. What does it mean?_

_ Udina betrayed the Council; I should have seen it coming!_

_ Thane... Another name to add to the Memorial Wall. _

_I couldn't save him._

_ Like that boy on Earth…_

_ Almost had to shoot Ashley._

_ Ash…_

_ I need to sleep._

_ No._

_I can't. Not with that dream haunting me. _

_That boy… I wonder what his name was?_

She rubbed the back of her neck tiredly, the muscles tightened into hard knots. The lives of every advanced species in the galaxy are riding on her shoulders, but she can't carry on much longer like this. She took a deep breath and straightened back up, turning to look, past her wall of model ships, and focused on her bed. Immediately, flashes of the dream passed through her mind.

_Dead trees, everywhere._

_ Voices that sounds so familiar…._

_ Kaidan?_

_ The boy! I have to get to him!_

She shook her head to clear the images from her head and picked up a datapad from the large stack on her desk instead, troop strength numbers for each species filling the display. Leaning on the desk edge, she had just managed to get lost in the never-ending list of numbers when the sound of the elevator reaching her deck pulled her back. With a sigh, she straightened once again and brushed a few strands of hair from her eyes before walking to her door and hitting the panel to open it.

She had to work to hide her surprise when the door opened to reveal the Lieutenant Commander. Anybody else would have thought the Lieutenant looked perfectly calm, but Shepard knew better. She saw the slight twitching of her fingers before they were clasped behind her back and the way she wouldn't quite meet her eyes.

She was nervous.

"Can I help you Lieutenant Commander?"

Williams flinched at the cool tone, almost tripping over her next words, "I-I was wondering if I could speak with you Commander."

Her eyes flicked to the datapad still clenched in the Commander's hand, "If you're not busy, that is." She added hurriedly.

Shepard laughed humorlessly, "I'm always busy."

She turned to reenter her cabin, not missing the disappointed look on the other woman's face as she started back to the elevator, and called over her shoulder, "Get in here LC."

The LC smiled slightly as she followed the Commander and saw her cabin for the first time.

"Nice place Commander, you put all those models together yourself?"

Shepard leaned back on the wall next to the door to the bathroom, her hand tapping the datapad against her thigh almost impatiently, "Yes. What did you want to talk about Commander?"

"Straight to business then," Ash said half to herself as she turned from looking at the aquarium and pressed her back against the cool glass.

"Shepard…" She started then stopped to take a calming breath, "Jane, I wanted to apologize. For everything."

Jane's hand stilled its tapping, a look somewhere between surprise and hope crossing her face as Ash's next words came out in a rush.

"All those things I said on Horizon and on Mars about not being able to trust you and not knowing you anymore, I didn't mean any of it. I was trying to push you away, and it worked. I'm so sorry."

Shepard looked down at the carpet. She was finally hearing the words she had waited for what seemed like forever for, but instead of feeling happy, or at least relieved, all she felt was a burning anger.

"Why did you push me away?" She asked, never looking up from the floor.

Ashley sighed, looking down at the floor as well and spoke in a soft voice, "When you… died, it broke me. I cried myself to sleep every night for two years. The team, your team, was split up and I had no one to talk to who could possibly understand. I was so lost and hurt; work was the only thing keeping me going. Then rumors started spreading that you were back and, at first, I refused to believe it, but then Anderson sent me to Horizon and confirmed that it was true and he had talked to you."

The LC wiped away a few tears irritably and tossed her hair over one shoulder, continuing in a stronger voice, "I was so happy that it was true, but then I got angry that I was the last to find out you were back and with Cerberus too. I felt betrayed."

"And you think I didn't?" Jane's voice was cold, eyes like blue ice as she lifted her head and met Ashley's.

"I-"

Shepard cut her off, her voice rising until she was yelling, "You don't think I practically begged Anderson to tell me where you were or even send a message? That I didn't feel betrayed when the one person I thought would always have my back looked at me like a stranger? Or on Mars when you acted like you expected me to shoot you in the back?! Not to mention not a few hours ago you were threatening to kill me!"

"Jane-"

"I am not finished!" Shepard screamed, throwing the datapad onto her desk, heedless of causing the entire stack to fall to the floor, and moved closer until she was directly in front of Ash.

"I died, Ash! Died! Then I suddenly wake up and went from being the Savior of the Galaxy to being an enemy of everyone I died for! You felt alone?! What about me?! I was brought back to stop the Reapers even when half the galaxy wants my blood!"

Her voice calmed at the fearful and pain filled look in Ashley's eyes as she braced her hands on either side of the LC's shoulders and bowed her head, her voice a hoarse whisper, barely heard over the pounding of her heart, as tears filled her eyes but did not fall, "The weight of the entire galaxy is on my shoulders, relying on me to save them, but who will save me?"

She pushed away a few steps, one hand covering her face while the other rested on her hip, as silence filled the room. Shepard swayed slightly as a sudden wave of exhaustion and dizziness overcame her as the adrenaline faded. She blinked, trying to clear the darkness from her vision as the LC started speaking, her words sounding far away and indistinct.

Jane placed a steadying hand on the desk to keep her upright, her legs feeling like jelly. She opened her mouth, but no sound came forth as her vision went dark and she felt herself falling into oblivion.

* * *

Shepard snorted and coughed as a foul smell filled her nose and pulled her suddenly from unconsciousness. She shook her head and opened her eyes, seeing Chakwas leaning over her with some kind of tube in her hand.

"There you are Commander, gave Williams quite the scare when you passed out."

Jane looked around and found she was lying on her bed with the Doctor standing beside her and the LC at the foot with crossed arms and a worried look.

She slung her legs off the bed and sat up, rubbing the back of her neck, "I passed out?"

Ash nodded, "We were…," she glanced at Chakwas, "talking and you weren't responding to anything I said and then you just fell. I caught you and laid you on the bed, then had EDI ask Chakwas to come up."

The Doctor nodded, "Didn't want any of the crew to worry by carrying their unconscious Commander into the Medbay."

Her face grew serious, "When was the last time you slept Shepard?"

Jane bit her lip in thought, "Four?"

Chakwas' eyes narrowed, "Four what Commander?"

"Days."

The Lieutenant Commander gawked in astonishment, "You haven't slept in four days?!"

Shepard just shrugged, "Couldn't sleep."

Doctor Chakwas shook her head, "That is what I was afraid of."

She looked towards the ceiling, "EDI, as of right now Shepard is officially off duty for the next eight hours, make sure she is not disturbed."

"Yes Doctor."

"Doctor, I-"

"That's an order Commander." Chakwas said sternly and turned to the Chief, "See to it that she gets some sleep, if she gives you any trouble let me know and I will send up some sleeping pills."

At Ash's nod, Chakwas turned to leave, "Sleep well Commander."

An uncomfortable silence filled the cabin in the wake of the Doctor's exit, neither of the two women wanting to meet the other's eyes.

Shepard sighed and rested her head in her hands, "Why can't things go back to the way they were? We were happy then… weren't we?"

Ash smiled slightly, "If you count hunting down a mad Turian as something happy, then yes."

Her face grew somber and she sat next to Shepard, gripping one of the Commander's hands in both of hers, both of them focusing on their clasped hands, "Maybe things can't be the way they were, but…" She paused and waited until Shepard met her gaze, "Maybe we can start over?"

Jane brushed back some loose strands of hair from Ashley's face with her free hand before cupping her cheek gently, a small smile on her face, "I would like that."

Almost of their own accord, their bodies leaned in closer until their breath mingled, then closer again until their lips met softly, tenderly. An affirmation of what they once had, and would work towards having again.

Their lips parted, but instead of separating completely they each pulled the other into a tight embrace, Ash burrowing her head into Jane's shoulder.

"I missed you." Ash whispered in a cracking voice.

Jane tightened her hold, "I missed you too."

They stayed like that for felt like hours, but could only have been minutes. They leaned back and couldn't help a small chuckle at each other's tear stained faces. After wiping her face clean, Ash sighed sadly, "I should be going; you're supposed to be sleeping right now.

She stood and started to take a step when Shepard's hand gripped hers and pulled her back, "Stay with me. Please."

A conflicted look crossed the LC's face, "Jane-"

"I can't sleep, the nightmares keep me awake," Shepard hurriedly explained. "Please, just until I fall asleep."

Ashley nodded and helped Jane pull off her boots before they both lay on the bed with Shepard's head on Ash's shoulder and an arm around her waist. They lay like that in a comfortable silence, Jane trying to relax enough to actually fall asleep, but failing miserably.

Suddenly fingers started running soothingly through the Commander's hair and Ash started speaking in a quiet voice:

_It little profits that an idle king, _

_By this still hearth, among these barren crags, _

_Matched with an aged wife, I mete and dole _

_Unequal laws unto a savage race, _

_That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me_.

"Ulysses by Tennyson," Shepard murmured sleepily.

"Yes, now shh." Ash whispered gently before continuing.

_I cannot rest from travel; I will drink _

_life to the lees. All times I have enjoyed _

_Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those _

_that loved me, and alone; on shore, and when _

_Through scudding drifts the rainy Hyades _

_Vexed the dim sea. I am become a name; _

_For always roaming with a hungry heart _

_Much have I seen and known_

Before Ash finished even the first verse, Jane was fast asleep. With a loving smile, she continued reciting the poem as the Commander slept on.

* * *

When Jane awoke, she was alone. Looking at the clock she saw she had three more hours until she would be allowed back on duty. With a sigh, she rolled over and tried to fall back asleep, to no avail. Irritated, she brought up her omni-tool, hoping to find something to pass the time and noticed a new sound recording titled Sleep.

Curious, she set it to play and couldn't help the big smile as Ash's voice flowed from the omni-too reciting Ulysses. Setting the recording on repeat, she settled into the blankets and let Ashley's voice lull her into a peaceful sleep, the last words before the recording started over bringing a sleepy smile to Jane's face.

"I love you Jane, sleep well."

* * *

**This is a bit more serious than I usually write, but I am very happy with how it came out.**

**For those of you who are wondering why this wasn't added onto Soundproof, I have decided to start posting all of my one-shots and individual stories.**

**Leave a review and let me know what y'all think!**


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